It is considered common knowledge that guys are not as emotional as girls. This I would have to say is for the most part very true. When I say true, I mean it in outward appearance atleast. When girls like a guy, and then their dreams of him are stomped on, they tend to make it pretty obvious that they are upset. On the other hand, if a guy is in the same situation as the girl was in, with his hopes of being with a girl that he has been crushing on completely shattered, what is their response? Well, half the time, I honestly do not know, since they express no different emotion then they do from day to day.
So this really brings us to an interesting thought: Are guys truly just less emotional than girls? I mean, if they show less emotion, you would think that would also mean less emotion. Or is there really more behind this? Could they possibly have the same capacity for emotion and simply be choosing not to express it? And would this refusal of expression be a cause of what is considered normal in society? Maybe by showing more emotion, men fear they might not be considered straight. Or maybe it is not the fear of a gay accusation, but more so to show to the world that they are strong, and composed men. They just want everyone to think they have it together, and not even the tough things can get them down. Then again maybe it is that simple solution, of guys simply just not having as abig of an emotional range as girls do. So what is it, less emotional, or hidden feelings?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
It was the best of times..
We are in our senior year of high school, and we are almost done with it.
We are enjoying all of our friends and sports, and everything else that we are able to enjoy while we are here.
We do not have to pay rent or insurance, because our parents do that for us.
We get to focus alot of our time on just being able to have fun, and not have to deal with things such as bills and a job.
We are looking forward to college and life ahead of us.
We are enjoying our youth, by being able to use all of our energy that we will not have so much of when we are older.
We are in our senior year of high school, and we are almost done with it.
We are enjoying all of our friends and sports, and everything else that we are able to enjoy while we are here.
We do not have to pay rent or insurance, because our parents do that for us.
We get to focus alot of our time on just being able to have fun, and not have to deal with things such as bills and a job.
We are looking forward to college and life ahead of us.
We are enjoying our youth, by being able to use all of our energy that we will not have so much of when we are older.
We do not have to deal with children and parental responsibilities.
We are able to mess up, and just learn from it and move on.
We are old enough to have enough independance, yet still the comfort of our parents.
We have a many years of life to look forward to.
It was the worst of times...
We are almost done with highschool.
We are leaving a comfort zone that we have been in for the past thirteen years of our lives.
We are will be leaving friends soon, as we are all going different directions for college.
We do not have the ability to do whatever we want whenever we want.
We are still under our parents control.
We do not have much time left to just have fun.
We are all worrying about the future, leaving us no time to enjoy the present.
We become stressed with trying to balance homework, fun, and getting ready for college.
We find ourselves thinking about how everything is changing, and we have no control over it, leaving us helpless.
We only have years of adulthood to look forward to, leaving our happy youthful, carefree years behind us.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
reflective walk
For my walk I decided to go at night, since that is when i felt like a walk would be good. Luckily for me it was not too cold out. As i was walking around Normandy Park, I took pictures mainly of places that have many memories. I have lived here for the past six years of my life, and as of next fall who knows where I will be. It just started to get me thinking about my childhood really. Looking back on everything was pretty refreshing actually. I hadn't done something like that in awhile, and it put me in a good mood. I had also forgotten how much I really like going on walks by myself.
With the new year here, it is hard not to think about everything really. Where I am right now, how many finals I am going to have to get through, how many essays I am going to have to write before I can graduate. Then thinking about actually getting through all the school work and being finished, then brings me to where I am going to decide to go next fall. Who knows where I will be at next year. Once that is figured out, am I going to have a good roomate? Will I Make new friends? Will I be able to stay in touch with my high schools friends? How am I going to pay for it? So many hard decisions in this coming year, but at the same time comes so many opportunities. I am going to be graduating, moving out of the house, starting a new adventure, living in a new place, a new school, new people to meet. A new chapter of my life that is something to look forward to. Being able to really make my own decisions; supporting myself; independance. It all seems like it is actually coming now; it isn't just a dream of the future,off in the distance, still too far away from my grasp. I can almost touch it now. As it comes closer, I become more excited to finally take ahold of my future and just take off running as fast as I can with it. It will be all mine, and no one can stop me; no one can catch me. But then there are these moments when I am on my own, thinking of all the possibilities of where I will take myself, and I remember all that I am leaving behind; all that i have been through up to this point in my life. I look back and see all the good and bad moments in my life, all the people who were there with me, and how they have shaped my life, my future, and me.
This walk simply brought about thoughts and memories that I have been thinking about quite alot lately these days. It's hard to say what emotion I truly feel when I rework through all these thoughts, every time hoping for a clearer answer, though I always seem to be torn between everything; never seeing my path clearly. I honestly am not sure when I will start to truly feel like I am putting everything together how it is supposed to be, because I have know idea what that is supposed to look like. I guess I am just contemplative at this point, hoping everything will turn out for the best.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Hamlet Playlist
1) Hot Mess- Cobra Starship
-how hamlet is a "hot mess" and ophelia has completely fallen for him
2)Fifteen-Taylor Swift
-not that we know how old ophelia is, but how she believed hamlet loved her, even though he later tells her he didn't
3)You've Got a Friend in Me- Toy Story Soundtrack
-Hamlet and Horatio's friendship
4)White Horse- Taylor Swift
-how ophelia realizes that sheisn't a princess, that it isn't a fairy tale, and that her prince isn't going to come and sweep her off her feet
5)Cowboy Casanova- Carrie Underwood
-Polonious and laertes telling Ophelia to watch out about Hamlet
6)Hot n' Cold- Katy Perry
-How Hamlet acts towards Ophelia
7)Over My head- The Fray
-Hamlet feels like he is in over his head, with having to take revenge on his uncle
8)Telephone- Lady Gaga, beyonce
-Laertes and Ophelia being annoyed with Polonious always trying to check up on them
9)Bad Romance- Lady Gaga
-Ophelia still wanting Hamlet even though it is a "Bad Romance"
10)I Don't Hook Up- Kelly Clarkson
-When Ophelia tells Hamlet he can't lay in her lap
-how hamlet is a "hot mess" and ophelia has completely fallen for him
2)Fifteen-Taylor Swift
-not that we know how old ophelia is, but how she believed hamlet loved her, even though he later tells her he didn't
3)You've Got a Friend in Me- Toy Story Soundtrack
-Hamlet and Horatio's friendship
4)White Horse- Taylor Swift
-how ophelia realizes that sheisn't a princess, that it isn't a fairy tale, and that her prince isn't going to come and sweep her off her feet
5)Cowboy Casanova- Carrie Underwood
-Polonious and laertes telling Ophelia to watch out about Hamlet
6)Hot n' Cold- Katy Perry
-How Hamlet acts towards Ophelia
7)Over My head- The Fray
-Hamlet feels like he is in over his head, with having to take revenge on his uncle
8)Telephone- Lady Gaga, beyonce
-Laertes and Ophelia being annoyed with Polonious always trying to check up on them
9)Bad Romance- Lady Gaga
-Ophelia still wanting Hamlet even though it is a "Bad Romance"
10)I Don't Hook Up- Kelly Clarkson
-When Ophelia tells Hamlet he can't lay in her lap
Sunday, November 29, 2009
"to eat or not to eat"
To eat or not to eat, that is the question:
Is it better to deal with all the nasty weight
that food brings our way, or to conquer that weight
by not feeding your belly? To not eat, simply not
putting food down your throat, for that's all that
would be, and ending all the bloating and pant sizes
we gain-now that would be something to wish for.
To not eat, to not consume- ah but here's the catch,
by not eating one can become unhealthy and in turn
become too thin. That is certainly something to worry
about. That consideration is what keeps us eating.
After all, who would put up with all the
long stares, awkward glares, snickering boys,
rudely giggling skinny girls, when you could stop eating
and end all the fatty jokes? Who would choose to drag
their fat selves along through a life of Big Macs and
intense sweating from walking the short distancefrom your
car to your desk, unless they were scared of something else?
Afraid of not eating those delicious dollar mcdoubles
and golden, lightly salted, french fries. Afraid that
they would miss the joy that comes when they set
their eye on that heavenly,chocolate fudge sunday.
The fear of losing these tasty treats in our lives is what
makes us fatties, and our natural metabolism becomes
weak from us shoving twinkies down our throat. Any form
of fitness that might have been carried out is out of mind,
because we are too focused on our kankles, in turn
depressing us and leaving us to eat our feelings.
Is it better to deal with all the nasty weight
that food brings our way, or to conquer that weight
by not feeding your belly? To not eat, simply not
putting food down your throat, for that's all that
would be, and ending all the bloating and pant sizes
we gain-now that would be something to wish for.
To not eat, to not consume- ah but here's the catch,
by not eating one can become unhealthy and in turn
become too thin. That is certainly something to worry
about. That consideration is what keeps us eating.
After all, who would put up with all the
long stares, awkward glares, snickering boys,
rudely giggling skinny girls, when you could stop eating
and end all the fatty jokes? Who would choose to drag
their fat selves along through a life of Big Macs and
intense sweating from walking the short distancefrom your
car to your desk, unless they were scared of something else?
Afraid of not eating those delicious dollar mcdoubles
and golden, lightly salted, french fries. Afraid that
they would miss the joy that comes when they set
their eye on that heavenly,chocolate fudge sunday.
The fear of losing these tasty treats in our lives is what
makes us fatties, and our natural metabolism becomes
weak from us shoving twinkies down our throat. Any form
of fitness that might have been carried out is out of mind,
because we are too focused on our kankles, in turn
depressing us and leaving us to eat our feelings.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
hero's cycle - companions/trials
Life is moving so fast right now. I feel like everyhting has changed this year, and still is in the process of changing. I feel like this is evident in most aspects of my life, but more so in the relationships with the people around me.
Coming back to school for senior year, i had high hopes for what would transpire. And honestly, those high hopes have no where been near to how this year is going so far. Everyone has changed since last year. I'm not saying everyone is changing for the worst, they just changed, or are in thre process of changing. With these changes, some friend groups have changed. I'm pretty much still friends with all the same people, but not all of them are really still my friends. The atmosphere is just different now. It is uncomfortable;uncomfortable because we are all trying to adjust to these differences. Though they may be slight, it is still almost unsettling. I felt so close with certain people last year, that i feel so distanced from this year. I try and put on a smile as i walk by them in the hall, a sarcastic remark in class, or jokes here and there at the lunch table, but i just don't feel those same connections anymore. Something is in the connections have altered.like We are being slowly pulled apart from eachother,and i have no control over it. It's like gravity is pulling them further away from me, slowly out of my reach. Why can't i hold on? Or can i hold on? I feel like if it keeps going like this, i'm going to lose hold of what connections i have. I could lose grasp, and i don't like thinking of what that will mean for the future.
There are a couple of people who don't have that changed and uncomfortable feeling about them, one who sticks out atleast. We have been there for eachother, through some interesting situations over the past year specifically, and all through highschool really. But because of some changes, i do feel distanced from her this year. I am being pulled in two directions all at once. I am basically under shared custody, having to split my time as evenly as possible between two people. It may sound so silly, but even picking where i sit in certain settings has to be monitored and evenly divided through a week. Who i talk to in the hall, who i sit by at lunch, every time i choose to do anything, i have to pick one over the other. It's emotionally draining. It may sound like i am being hard on myself, but i know each decision affects atleast one of the two, though i'm sure it affects both.
About a year ago, this would not even be close to an issue. All three of us were pretty much inseperable. That's why this is so heart breaking. Seeing the two of them together in one spot is so hard to watch now. When i am with one of them, as i see the other looking at us, i can see her hurting. It kills me to watch my best friend whose been by my side for so long feel excluded, as if she can not come up and join because she feels uncomfortable and unwanted by the other. Even when they are together, i can feel the tension. Sure, sometimes it is better than others, but those times feel somewhat like a facade. It is not even close to the way it used to be. I am being torn up emotionally all over the place. I have tried so hard to fix it, but i am starting to believe i can't. It is the worse to have to watch all this hurt and suffering, and feel this hurt and suffering, and not be able to do anything about it. I have no control over the situation. I can just encourage reconcilitaion as often as possible. One hopes for it as well, the other undecided. The undecided hurts the one with hope; the longer she waits, the more the other hurts; the further i am torn;the more pain i feel for the hurt; the harder it is to encourage her; the harder it is to understand the undecided;the more i am concerned about the outcome. What if there is no reconciliation? Will this be the rest of my senior year? Will I be under shared custody until college? I'm scared i will begin to despise them for pulling me back and forth constantly. How long can i hold in the middle? Will i have to choose one for my own emotional stability? Should i just detach my self from the both of them, and slowly drift away from our attachments?I could just choose neither of them. I would not have to worry about who i sat by, or talked to, or had lunch with. That could be my easy way out, to just not care anymore; not make it my problem. But i know i can not do that. It would not be fair to them, and i care about them too much. I have made it this far on not giving up, i can't leave now. I just don't know how i am going to be able to keep this up as it tears me up so much.
Everything is off relationally this year. My friends mean so much to me, which i always thought to be a good thing. But now i have to wonder, because i consider my friendships to be so important, is that what is going to ruin me this year? Sadly, i can only leave it up for time to tell.
Coming back to school for senior year, i had high hopes for what would transpire. And honestly, those high hopes have no where been near to how this year is going so far. Everyone has changed since last year. I'm not saying everyone is changing for the worst, they just changed, or are in thre process of changing. With these changes, some friend groups have changed. I'm pretty much still friends with all the same people, but not all of them are really still my friends. The atmosphere is just different now. It is uncomfortable;uncomfortable because we are all trying to adjust to these differences. Though they may be slight, it is still almost unsettling. I felt so close with certain people last year, that i feel so distanced from this year. I try and put on a smile as i walk by them in the hall, a sarcastic remark in class, or jokes here and there at the lunch table, but i just don't feel those same connections anymore. Something is in the connections have altered.like We are being slowly pulled apart from eachother,and i have no control over it. It's like gravity is pulling them further away from me, slowly out of my reach. Why can't i hold on? Or can i hold on? I feel like if it keeps going like this, i'm going to lose hold of what connections i have. I could lose grasp, and i don't like thinking of what that will mean for the future.
There are a couple of people who don't have that changed and uncomfortable feeling about them, one who sticks out atleast. We have been there for eachother, through some interesting situations over the past year specifically, and all through highschool really. But because of some changes, i do feel distanced from her this year. I am being pulled in two directions all at once. I am basically under shared custody, having to split my time as evenly as possible between two people. It may sound so silly, but even picking where i sit in certain settings has to be monitored and evenly divided through a week. Who i talk to in the hall, who i sit by at lunch, every time i choose to do anything, i have to pick one over the other. It's emotionally draining. It may sound like i am being hard on myself, but i know each decision affects atleast one of the two, though i'm sure it affects both.
About a year ago, this would not even be close to an issue. All three of us were pretty much inseperable. That's why this is so heart breaking. Seeing the two of them together in one spot is so hard to watch now. When i am with one of them, as i see the other looking at us, i can see her hurting. It kills me to watch my best friend whose been by my side for so long feel excluded, as if she can not come up and join because she feels uncomfortable and unwanted by the other. Even when they are together, i can feel the tension. Sure, sometimes it is better than others, but those times feel somewhat like a facade. It is not even close to the way it used to be. I am being torn up emotionally all over the place. I have tried so hard to fix it, but i am starting to believe i can't. It is the worse to have to watch all this hurt and suffering, and feel this hurt and suffering, and not be able to do anything about it. I have no control over the situation. I can just encourage reconcilitaion as often as possible. One hopes for it as well, the other undecided. The undecided hurts the one with hope; the longer she waits, the more the other hurts; the further i am torn;the more pain i feel for the hurt; the harder it is to encourage her; the harder it is to understand the undecided;the more i am concerned about the outcome. What if there is no reconciliation? Will this be the rest of my senior year? Will I be under shared custody until college? I'm scared i will begin to despise them for pulling me back and forth constantly. How long can i hold in the middle? Will i have to choose one for my own emotional stability? Should i just detach my self from the both of them, and slowly drift away from our attachments?I could just choose neither of them. I would not have to worry about who i sat by, or talked to, or had lunch with. That could be my easy way out, to just not care anymore; not make it my problem. But i know i can not do that. It would not be fair to them, and i care about them too much. I have made it this far on not giving up, i can't leave now. I just don't know how i am going to be able to keep this up as it tears me up so much.
Everything is off relationally this year. My friends mean so much to me, which i always thought to be a good thing. But now i have to wonder, because i consider my friendships to be so important, is that what is going to ruin me this year? Sadly, i can only leave it up for time to tell.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Love a Grendel
1) I cleaned the entire house for my mom this weekend. this may not sound like a big deal, but if you know me i absolutely hate cleaning up the house. This may make me sound really lazy, but there are six people and two dogs in my house, and it can get pretty messy. Imagine all those dishes, it really sucks. And to make it even worse, our dish washer is broken right now, so you have to hand wash everything!So this really was kind of a stretch for me.But she seems to be in a bad mood alot, and constantly complains about the house being a mess, so I did the dishes, swepted, swiffered, did laundry, and i even cleaned up after the dogs, which is quite awful. That part i wish i didn't do. if you know my dogs you know the mess is pretty bad.
2) I chose her because she seemed like she needed it the most this weekend. Plus i couldn't really think of any grendels, cause my mom probably isn't really much of one anyways. I personally could not think of any grendels in my life though. I like to think i get along with most people and I am actually proud to say i could not think of a true grendel in my life.
3)Cleaning the house was something i knew she would appreciate and give her less to stress about. I know i hate cleaning, and it is pretty obvious that she hates it too.
4)I don't really have much evidence, but she seemed to be in a pretty good mood sunday night.
2) I chose her because she seemed like she needed it the most this weekend. Plus i couldn't really think of any grendels, cause my mom probably isn't really much of one anyways. I personally could not think of any grendels in my life though. I like to think i get along with most people and I am actually proud to say i could not think of a true grendel in my life.
3)Cleaning the house was something i knew she would appreciate and give her less to stress about. I know i hate cleaning, and it is pretty obvious that she hates it too.
4)I don't really have much evidence, but she seemed to be in a pretty good mood sunday night.
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