For my walk I decided to go at night, since that is when i felt like a walk would be good. Luckily for me it was not too cold out. As i was walking around Normandy Park, I took pictures mainly of places that have many memories. I have lived here for the past six years of my life, and as of next fall who knows where I will be. It just started to get me thinking about my childhood really. Looking back on everything was pretty refreshing actually. I hadn't done something like that in awhile, and it put me in a good mood. I had also forgotten how much I really like going on walks by myself.
With the new year here, it is hard not to think about everything really. Where I am right now, how many finals I am going to have to get through, how many essays I am going to have to write before I can graduate. Then thinking about actually getting through all the school work and being finished, then brings me to where I am going to decide to go next fall. Who knows where I will be at next year. Once that is figured out, am I going to have a good roomate? Will I Make new friends? Will I be able to stay in touch with my high schools friends? How am I going to pay for it? So many hard decisions in this coming year, but at the same time comes so many opportunities. I am going to be graduating, moving out of the house, starting a new adventure, living in a new place, a new school, new people to meet. A new chapter of my life that is something to look forward to. Being able to really make my own decisions; supporting myself; independance. It all seems like it is actually coming now; it isn't just a dream of the future,off in the distance, still too far away from my grasp. I can almost touch it now. As it comes closer, I become more excited to finally take ahold of my future and just take off running as fast as I can with it. It will be all mine, and no one can stop me; no one can catch me. But then there are these moments when I am on my own, thinking of all the possibilities of where I will take myself, and I remember all that I am leaving behind; all that i have been through up to this point in my life. I look back and see all the good and bad moments in my life, all the people who were there with me, and how they have shaped my life, my future, and me.
This walk simply brought about thoughts and memories that I have been thinking about quite alot lately these days. It's hard to say what emotion I truly feel when I rework through all these thoughts, every time hoping for a clearer answer, though I always seem to be torn between everything; never seeing my path clearly. I honestly am not sure when I will start to truly feel like I am putting everything together how it is supposed to be, because I have know idea what that is supposed to look like. I guess I am just contemplative at this point, hoping everything will turn out for the best.
This blog made me picture you as though you were at the center of a dark universe, with all your past memories and future happenings and present questions swirling around you in orbit. And no-- I'm not hopped up on cold meds. :) Just really pictured you in the middle of major LIFE.
ReplyDeleteI remember last year, around April, getting ready to finish my year of student teaching, and considering that I would still have one more quarter of intense grad school, and wondering where on EARTH I would get a job since no one seemed to be hiring. And I remember writing, "I know that Greta-in-September will probably have some idea of where her life is going... So if I can just get THERE, maybe I'll have some answers... But in the meantime, I have no idea if I'm going to be in China, or Nashville, or even Seattle at that point."
And lo and behold, September arrived, and I was employed at Seattle Christian. :) A great answer to prayer!
He'll put you just where you're supposed to be, lovely girl. Looking forward to hearing your answers arrive!